“Free to a good home, a loving six year old retriever mix. Recent circumstances have changed and I cannot give my dog the time he deserves”
“Please help me re-home my dog. I have had him 8 years now. He has always been jealous and protective of me. He recently growled and nipped at my child. I no longer feel safe with my dog in my home. This decision is breaking my heart but my child has to come first”
Do these statements sound familiar? Unfortunately they are a common occurrence over social media and local newspaper ads .
Last night, I had a couple of these postings placed on my group page. When I responded to one presenting alternative options and what I thought should possibly be done, a number of people took offence. I understand this is a sensitive topic. Nobody likes to feel they are being judged so I decided to re-address it in this blog post.
Let me start this article by presenting a few thoughts.
I know giving up your dog is NEVER easy or at least it should not be a decision that is taken lightly. I am sure people agonize over it. There are certainly a lot of supportive statements that go out to the owners of these dogs offering words of encouragement such as:
“At least you are trying to do the right thing and not just putting your dog down”
“People’s circumstances change and nobody should judge you for it”
“You have to put your child’s safety first”
“Your dog will be much happier in a home with no children…it is safer for all involved”
“Somebody will be able to give your dog the loving care it needs”
Let me make it clear….
I understand these statements. I have even said them myself in the past and, to some extent, I agree with them. When you are weighing the safety of your children, what you are physically capable of doing, the time and effort involved into training and working with a dog, the time, effort and costs associated with turning around troubling behaviours…it can be overwhelming. In some cases, rehoming is the best option. I understand that, I really do. I have recommended it to some clients in the past and have helped many families find new and loving homes for their dogs.
HOWEVER, in many cases, I think this train of thought needs to be further examined. Yes, you read that right…I think in most cases, there is no need for re-homes to happen and owners need to rethink the reasons they are choosing to do so.
Now before anybody jumps down my throat, starts accusing me of putting dogs first over the safety of the children, or not knowing the circumstances of each individual…please hear me out. Let’s examine the two scenarios posted above.
1. "I have no time and cannot give my dog the love and attention it needs. "
I know that circumstances change. Life has a way of doing that. People are constantly evolving and growing. The person and the circumstances you find yourself in today are probably not the same as a year ago and will probably not be the same a year from now. However, you knew all of this when you decided to get your dog. You decided to search out this dog, you picked him out and you agreed that you would look after this dog for better or worse. Looking after your dog means carving out time in your day to exercise, socialize and hang out with your dog. That is YOUR RESPONSIBILITY. Looking after him means putting in the work and the training to attempt to head off potential problems in the future. Looking after him means working through those issues if they occur. It all takes time, effort and patience. Sometimes a lot of it. Can ANYBODY honestly sit there and say that they are so busy, that their life has changed so much that they cannot manipulate their time so they can hang out and take their dog for a walk an hour a day? Can anybody out there state that if they thought about it long enough, they cannot come up with ways of further incorporating your dog into their life? I want everybody to look at that realistically. Challenge yourselves. Make your daily walks a priority, same as you would eating, sleeping, working, or helping your kids with their homework. If this type of thing really cannot work for you (and I know there are scenarios where no matter what you try..it absolutely cannot work) perhaps there are alternatives to giving your dog the exercise and exposure he needs. If you had a child and you were that busy, you hire babysitters, use daycares, after school programs, camps…the sky is the limit. All these same services exist for dogs. Think about the reasoning you are using to re-home your dog. Problem solve those reasons and consider potential alternatives, same as you would for any family member. You might be surprised with the solutions you can come up with. You say “But my dog will be happier elsewhere. A place he can get the attention he needs”…I say, “Your dog may eventually get happy elsewhere BUT your dog is happier with you. Come up with ways to give him the love, attention and activity he deserves and then do your best to make that happen”
2. "I can no longer trust my dog around my child. For the safety of my child, I need to re-home my dog”
This one tugs on heart strings. It immediately invokes indignation and “how dare you” if you question using the “child’s safety” as an iron clad inarguable indisputable justification for giving up your dog. However, once again, there are alternatives that really need to be examined.
First...your best defence is a good offence. Early extensive proper exposure and socialization that is continued throughout your dog’s life is so important. Think of your dog as a child and these things as teaching ABCs and 123s. You are providing opportunities for your child to meet developmental milestones, continue to grow and mature into a healthy well adjusted adult. It is a critical piece often taken too lightly by owners. Please do not minimize the importance. It will be like money in the bank for you and your dog. The more effort you invest during the early stages, the more you continue to contribute, the bigger the dividends in the long run. Recognize potential issues when they happen. Consult with a good quality trainer and behaviourist to help you deal with those issues. The results for you and your family are priceless.
Next...teach your children how to interact properly with your dog. Educate yourselves on what you should and should not accept. Parents can often allow their child to be downright rude with the dog. This forces the dog to take matters into it’s own hands. It is unfair to both the child and the dog. Recognize this issue and take the time to properly teach both your child and your dog how to properly interact with each other. The relationship that develops will be beautiful and something you can be very proud of.
Ok, so the worst has happened.
Maybe you have done some of this but your dog growled or nipped at your child. You now fear for your child’s safety. Fact is, you probably should. You have every right to feel this way…BUT, there is a hidden positive that most never realize. Recognize the growl and the nip for what it is…it is a warning from your dog to you. You need to smarten up. There is a problem here, you need to manage and address it.
If your dog wanted to do serious damage to your child, even the smallest dog can do so. Your dog warned your child he did not like what was happening and to back off. He showed great restraint. It is up to you as an owner to wise up. You need to realize you HAVE to do something about this..whether that be teaching your child manners, controlling and managing future interaction between your child and your dog, convincing your dog that children are the best things ever or invest serious time working on your dog’s confidence and tolerance…ACT ON THIS WARNING. Consult a professional, have your dog assessed, get a plan in place to address the issue and follow through on the plan.
Some of you will say…”I could do that but I just cannot take the chance. I will not put my child’s safety at risk”.
I understand that BUT again there are alternatives you can take to manage the situation. You could ensure your child and your dog remain separated at all times. Use baby gates, crates or other barriers to ensure any interaction is controlled. Supervise any and all interaction. Use a muzzle on your dog if you cannot control or are really concerned about all interaction. Using these kind of methods to manage the situation while consulting with a professional will provide for the safety of your child. If the dog decides to bite, he physically cannot. Again, while all of this is going on, consult a professional and take steps to address the issue.
I can hear the wheels turning…
”But Ken, what if the situation is so bad, there is no way possible for me to do this?"
To that I respond there are still options so you are living up to your responsibility to provide for the care of your dog. Board and train programs exist where the dog is removed from the home. You and your dog work with a trainer, your dog is assessed and if possible, gradual reintegration occurs. If reintegration is not possible nor wanted, rehoming is still an option. At least, if rehoming is necessary, you have provided a situation where you are giving your dog the best chance to succeed in a new environment. The new owner would have to do the same anyway. At least you can rest assured you are not passing the responsibility off to the new owner.
“But Ken, wouldn’t it be better to re-home the dog into a home with no children”?
Possibly, but unless the new owner (who is unfamiliar with the dog) promises to keep the dog from all contact with children, to ensure the dog never encounters kids on walks, can never get outside the house so they can escape, will never have children coming into their home, will basically NEVER encounter children….the new owner will have to put all that time, energy and work into your dog I mentioned above. If this does not happen, you are setting your dog up for failure, the new owner up for a liability suit and any child the dog comes into contact with, to a potentially dangerous and damaging situation. Is that really fair to any new owner or your dog?
After reading this, I want you all to think about what I am saying…seriously consider the point of view and maybe the easy out of…“Well, I will just re-home my dog into a home with no children”. Understand it is not as easy as it sounds.
“But Ken, what about shelters and rescues…they have resources I do not have”
There are a number of problems with this kind of statement. Shelters and rescues operate on shoe string budgets. Resources are scarce and limited. If the rescue has to spend thousands of dollars and devote an untold number of man-hours figuring out your dog’s needs and how to address them, even if they could find a foster home willing to accept the responsibility, it means those resources are taken away from dozens of dogs to help that are a safer bet. There are not line ups waiting to adopt problem dogs. There are not huge numbers of foster homes just waiting to take on these dogs. If your dog is going into a shelter with problems, in all likelihood, the problems are going to be exacerbated while staying at the shelter. As with re-homing your dog, a rescue that takes on a dog like this will have to put the time, energy and resources into addressing the problems that you are choosing not to. Problems that ultimately you helped create.
Ask yourself…is that really a fair thing for you to expect?
Hopefully this article is food for thought. I write it with the challenge for people to start thinking differently. I have presented alternatives and other options to re-homing above. It is not meant to be an exhaustive list but it is a start.
I hear from people all the time when the logic for rehoming their dog is questioned, “I am doing the responsible thing”. I challenge that statement. If an owner really wanted to be responsible, they would do every one of the things discussed to ensure that if a re-home is necessary, they are setting their dog and the new home or shelter up for success.
I am all for rehoming if it is the last option and if it is done right. I have helped do so in many cases over the years and have even advocated to certain owners that they were making the right decision. However, if not done properly, in my opinion you are just dumping a problem that you helped create on somebody else. You are making your problem, somebody else's problem. Somebody else will have to put the time,effort and resources in that you refused to. You are not living up the the responsibility you accepted when you took on your dog. That to me is unfair. It may sound harsh and judgemental but many things that were once very accepted in society, when discussed and challenged, do come across as harsh and judgemental.
It however does not make the challenge any less valid.